A Funeral, a Wedding, and a Job.

This past month has been the most stressful, tiring, eventful, fast month that I can recall. Ever. Everything feels like a blur so I'm going to put this in the best possible order that I can recall.
See, if I posted everything on Instagram this would be a lot easier.

At the beginning of October when me and my Mom were out doing our food shopping we'd gotten a call in the middle of checking out at Wal*Mart from my Aunt with the news that my Pappy had a heart-attack and was on his way to the hospital. My Mom took me home while she went to the hospital and I put everything away and a friend took me to visit them.
That evening the most peaceful feeling had come over me. I didn't say anything to anyone about it. Considering the circumstances that had happened when he had the attack I knew what was going to happen but I didn't want to upset someone by saying it.
The following morning I couldn't keep it in anymore and while I was with my Mom in her room I told her that it didn't feel like he was here anymore, that there has been this very peaceful feeling lately like someone was watching over us. She agreed.
He didn't make it. He said in his will what he wanted, everyone tried, and God decided it was his time and we certainly don't blame my Pappy for running for the Gates of Heaven.

Two days after his funeral I was to make my brothers wedding cake. Over 60 chocolate/vanilla cupcakes and a dark chocolate layered cake. All pipped with buttercream.
*sigh*
I took the middle day of the two as a desperately needed break for my own sanity after all the running around. So Saturday morning I was up at 3am baking my butt off. I made 3 layers because the one had sunk in the middle, 3/4 of a gallon ice cream container filled with buttercream, and two big aluminum trays filled with cupcakes.
Still managed to dye my hair and take my time getting ready that morning with some time to spare before we had to leave. (praise God).

It was peacock/mascaraed/60's/something else themed. Of course in the mess of it all I forgot my camera at home :/

Me and Mom had our day out. A very needed day together. I got a caramel frappe from Starbucks. It was extremely coffe-y tasting. I wasn't crazy about it. It made my stomach hurt, too.

It's hard to adjust when it feels like your life has just been flipped upside down. The week prior to what had happened with my Pappy I went for an interview that a a job my friend works at, it went okay for my first interview but from it felt like she 'let me down easy'. The Wednesday after I got a call from the manager asking for an interview. "When can you start?" She'd asked. My mind had went blank. My mind had went from 'I'm-gonna-have-a-job' to 'I-won't-get-hired' to 'I-don't-want-a-job-anymore' than suddenly my first day was just a couple days later.
I think I went through every stage of joy, depression, scared, excited, overwhelmed, wanting less hours to now I can say, even with the mistakes I've made. I'm finally seeming to fit into a schedule where I'm starting to feel content. It's not too many days to handle, or too little days to where I feel like I'm not doing anything.

Plus, payday, holla!




That can be another post though.


 

It's a dragon! It's a seahorse with wings! It's a pheasant!  It was so cool, we saw a young buck, too not just a few seconds before hand.

One day at work it was all dreary and gloomy out, it was cold and dark, I wanted nothing more to stay in bed and this guy came through my line asking how I was and how the day was going. When I gave him his change and receipt he gave me this little white book and said "This is for you. Hang in there today, okay?" I was too stunned to say anything back, I'd just nodded and when I finally got the chance between ringing up customers I pulled it out of my pocket to find it was filled with a bunch of little verses.

It's these kind of moments that make life great.

Found this book at KMart. A friend of mine is obsessed with Lord of the Rings... [;

My #Whitegirl status seems to be at it's peak lately. When me and Mom go out we usually go get something at Starbucks. I'm working my way through the menu one tall frappe at a time. The Peppermint Mocha is soo good. It tastes like a coffee peppermint patti. The chocolate flakes were my favorite part.

Can we please take a moment to discuss the fact that this isn't Ken. My Ken did not look like this. He was very tan, swooshy plastic haired, and his arms were not bendable, okay?! They just weren't! It's like the Bratz dollz. It feels like a stab at my childhood because of them changing everything. #90skidsproblems.

Okay. Enough with the hashtags.




Also......... the Steelers won!!! :P

Ennagram Type 6w5... slash 4.

While surfing on Pinterest today at my personality type memes I came across a ladies board name that was titled with 'enneagram type 6' and it made me curious. Learning about my personality has become a thing I've really liked. It almost feels like a personality manual.
So, like usual, I turned to Google to figure out what this funny looking word-thing meant.

en·ne·a·gram

ˈenēəˌɡram/

noun

noun: enneagram; plural noun: enneagrams

1. a nine-sided figure used in a particular system of analysis to represent the spectrum of possible personality types.

I came across this website and took the 1 of 2 tests, this being the Classical version. It's a series of different questions asking if you are/aren't/partly what the questions ask, similar to the Meyer Brigg's test.


Type 6

The Loyalist
Conflicted between trust and distrust

People of this personality type essentially feel insecure, as though there is nothing quite steady enough to hold onto. At the core of the type Six personality is a kind of fear or anxiety. This anxiety has a very deep source and can manifest in a variety of different styles, making Sixes somewhat difficult to describe and to type. What all Sixes have in common however, is the fear rooted at the center of their personality, which manifests in worrying, and restless imaginings of everything that might go wrong. This tendency makes Sixes gifted at trouble shooting, but also robs the Six of much needed peace of mind and tends to deprive the personality of spontaneity. The essential anxiety at the core of the type Six fixation tends to permeate the personality with a sort of "defensive suspiciousness." Sixes don't trust easily; they are often ambivalent about others, until the person has absolutely proven herself, at which point they are likely to respond with steadfast loyalty. The loyalty of the Six is something of a two edged sword however, as Sixes are sometimes prone to stand by a friend, partner, job or cause even long after it is time to move on.
Sixes are generally looking for something or someone to believe in. This, combined with their general suspiciousness, gives rise to a complicated relationship to authority. The side of the Six which is looking for something to believe in, is often very susceptible to the temptation to turn authority over to an external source, whether it be in the form of an individual or a creed. But the Six's tendency towards distrust and suspicion works against any sort of faith in authority. Thus, two opposite pulls exist side by side in the personality of enneatype Six, and assume different proportions in different individuals, sometimes alternating within the same individual.
The truly confounding element when it comes to typing Sixes is that there are two fundamentally different strategies that Sixes adopt for dealing with fear. Some Sixes are basically phobic. Phobic Sixes are generally compliant, affiliative and cooperative. Other Sixes adopt the opposite strategy of dealing with fear, and become counterphobic, essentially taking a defiant stand against whatever they find threatening. This is the Six who takes on authority or who adopts a dare devil attitude towards physical danger. Counterphobic Sixes can be agressive and, rather than looking for authorities, can adopt a rebellious or anti-authoritarian demeanor. Counterphobic Sixes are often unaware of the fear that motivates their actions. In fact, Sixes in general, tend to be blind to the extent of their own anxiety. Because it is the constant back drop to all of their emotions, Sixes are frequently unaware of its existence, as they have nothing with which to contrast it.
Because Sixes so frequently fail to appreciate the extent of their own fear, they often mistype themselves. It is common for instance, for female Sixes to mistype as Twos, especially if they are identified with a helper role, but Sixes have a much more ambivalent attitude towards relationships than do Twos, who generally know exactly what they want. Sixes, failing to recognize their anxiety, can mistype as Nines, but Nines have the ability to relax and to trust in others, neither of which come easily to Sixes. Sixes can mistype as Fours, especially if they have artistic inclinations, but they lack the Four's self-absorption. They can mistype as Fives, especially if they are intellectual, as many Sixes are, but unlike Fives, Sixes tend to be practical. Finally, conterphobic Sixes can easily mistype as Eights, but they lack the Eight's self-certainty.



Wing 5

The Investigator
Thinkers who tend to withdraw and observe

Fives essentially fear that they don't have enough inner strength to face life, so they tend to withdraw, to retreat into the safety and security of the mind where they can mentally prepare for their emergence into the world. Fives feel comfortable and at home in the realm of thought. They are generally intelligent, well read and thoughtful and they frequently become experts in the areas that capture their interest.


Then I took the second test, a series of 52 questions asking things like if you're more modest compared to ambitious, timid or assertive, obtrusive or shy-so on and so forth.
The result to this was Type 4 with balanced wings.

The Individualist

Identity seekers, who feel unique and different
People of this personality type tend to build their identities around their perception of themselves as being somehow different or unique; they are thus self-consciously individualistic. Fours tend to see their difference from others as being both a gift and a curse - a gift, because it sets them apart from those they perceive as being somehow "common," and a curse, as it so often seems to separate them from the simpler forms of happiness that others so readily seem to enjoy. Thus, Fours can manage to feel superior to others while also secretly harboring some degree of longing and envy. A feeling of being a member of the "true aristocracy" alternates with deep feelings of shame, and fears of somehow being deeply flawed or defective.
Fours are emotionally complex and highly sensitive. They long to be understood and appreciated for their authentic selves, but easily feel misunderstood and unappreciated. They have a tendency to withdraw in the face of a world that seems harsh or crude, and are often somewhat moody or temperamental. They are emotionally centered and spend much of their lives immersed in their internal mental landscapes, where they feel free to cultivate and analyse their feelings. A desire to manifest this internal world often leads Fours to an interest in the arts, and some do become actual artists. Whether artistic or not, however, most Fours are aesthetically sensitive and concerned with self-expression and self-revelation, whether it be in the clothes they wear or in the overall nature of their often idiosyncratic lifestyles.
Fours are somewhat melancholic by disposition, and under stress tend to lapse into depression. They also tend to be self-absorbed, even under the best of circumstances, but when unbalanced, easily give way to a self-indulgence which they perceive as being fully justified as a way to compensate for the general lack of pleasure they experience in their lives. Rather than look for practical solutions to their difficulties, Fours are prone to fantasizing about a savior who will rescue them from their unhappiness.
Intellectual Fours tend to mistakenly type themselves as Fives, and a heavy wing can certainly exacerbate this tendency. Fours however, unlike Fives, tend to be self-revealing and comfortable with emotional expression.


My thoughts on it; I feel like I'm a perfect combination of the two. According to Meyer Brigg's I have 2 personality types because I don't have a strong preference between N/S so it would make sense, in a way, because I don't feel like I'm specifically one because there are parts that aren't included, but is included in the other.
Does that make sense?

If you take this test, please let me know what you got. It would be interesting to see what others get!